The person might use text, instant messaging, online chat and so on to build a relationship with the child. It is a common tactic used in cases of child sexual exploitation to make the victim more susceptible to trusting the . Last year at the Center for Child Protection, 92% of children knew and trusted their abusers. Your parents dont understand you, but I do, I can tell youre lonely. The child is alone in their car or in or near an empty room. I can show you how, it feels really good.". But it doesn't have to be. PostedOctober 22, 2020 Unfortunately, that's a nave thought. This is a very big issue in the world. This not first time either. Keep in mind that the first physical contact between a predator and his or her victim is often nonsexual and designed to desensitize the child. Saying things like, Your parents would be angry at both of us if they found out what we did. In order to abuse the child and minimize the fear of discovery, a sexual predator will often times share secrets with the victim. It might have started by having a child sit on their lap in the company of the child's parents. We value diverse partnerships
One way an abuser may [] protecting children. Be specific and tell your child what apps and platforms online predators like to target kids. I wish that I could take it all away. Kenneth V. Lanning, a retired Special Agent with the FBIs Behavioral Science Unit said, Pedophiles span the full spectrum from saints to monsters. Social media use can contribute to body dissatisfaction in both adults and children. Learn how to tell if someone is preying on your trust, taking advantage of your situation & innocent child. communities. Avoid letting the person do favours for your family. Good luck. Sign #2: Attentiveness. This website is certified by Health On the Net Foundation (HON) and complies with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health information. This occurs through talking, pictures, and creating situations in which both are naked (swimming). abuse can be prevented. Read more from survivors and RAINN Speakers Bureau members about how they were groomed by predators and what parents should watch out for: You can help keep kids and teens safer by learning the warning signs of abuse at rainn.org. This can start as a few dollars for a drink or lunch, a trip to school or a park, and escalate into more lavish gifts like trips to amusement parks. Talk to Your Child About Safety He father is remarried, and his wife has an 18 year old son. However, one study has found that behaviors that involve touch such as having a child sitting on an adults lap and taking a child to the bathroom were more easily identified as grooming behaviors compared to other strategies such as selecting vulnerable victims or being overly kind and friendly with children. I have reported to child abuse report line but i feel like nothing can be done to protect the children i am in another state and my sisters do not understand the nature of pedophilia and the likelihood of him re-offending (I have done much research since my daughter was abused). There are affiliate links in the blog post. The statistics and signs to be wary of are overwhelming, to be sure. Keep your guard up. My step daughter thats17 yrs. Grooming is a common tool for con-men, pedophiles, and those with a narcissistic personality disorder. Child Molesters are very cunning in their deception they have to be in order to get away with these despicable acts. While these tactics are used most often against younger kids, teens and vulnerable adults are also at risk. Nearly all childhood sexual abuse involves at least some elements of sexual grooming. Typical signs of grooming are: Going above and beyond to be overly helpful to a child or family Showing special attention or interest in a child Giving gifts to a child or their family Attempting to have regular one-on-one time with a child Displaying overly affectionate behavior Taking a child to the bathroom Pornography is often part of the grooming process in order to lower a childs inhibitions. 2. "Have you ever masturbated? Grooming can be hard to recognize because it seeks to imitate normal adult-child interactions. They mess up the upcoming world and should be judged sooner than later. Here are some red flag behaviors to watch for: Targeting specific kids for special attention, activities, or gifts. This does not mean that they are a predator, but if it continues and intensifies then they are worrying signs. Warning Signs of Child Abuse including Signs of Sexual Abuse, Signs of Physical Abuse & Child Abuse. Perpetrators utilize tactics such as gift giving, flattery, gifting money, and meeting other basic needs. Grooming involves building a trusting relationship with a child or family over many weeks, months and years. A predator will prep your child theyll test the waters to make sure your child can keep secrets. As a predator grooms a child for abuse, they will first test his/her boundaries. Men have long been silent and stoic about their inner lives, but theres every reason for them to open up emotionallyand their partners are helping. How to differentiate between malpractice and poor practice. Anyone can do grooming behavior. They can be people of all genders. most prevalent public health issues. It lays the groundwork for sexual abuse later on. I dont think this is the kind of thing that can be done by proxy. Positive Parenting for Connection and Thriving Family, Emotional Tools for Developing Kids Emotional Intelligence, Daily Routine Charts & Create a Schedule with Kids, Fun Family Activities, Calm Parenting and Stop Yelling Parenting. One of the difficulties in detecting sexual grooming is that many of the behaviors that perpetrators engage in often mimic normative caring adult-child interactions. Unfortunately, children of single parent homes are frequently preyed upon because they are seen as vulnerable or having a void that needs to be filled. Gavin de Becker, best-selling author and security specialist said, Children require the protection of adults, usually from adults. I was a child watching out for my own safety and safety of others. Desensitizes minor to touch/increasing sexual touching. Grooming can be done in a short or long period of time, ranging from weeks to years. This tells us that stranger danger isn't the only tactic we should take when protecting our children. . For instance, a sexual predator might by employed or volunteer somewhere where he or she is likely to work closely with children. It has been 10 years and alot of therapy sessions later. ". Involved in youth-serving organizations (i.e school, youth groups, scouts, sports). Helpline: 1.888.PREVENT (1.888.773.8368) Grooming behaviour can manifest as the slow development of a special relationship between a worker and a particular child or children in care. Grab your FREE copy of 8 Not-So-Great Parenting Habits to Break Today (& Simple Fixes to Big Changes) when you join Over 75,000+ Other Parents & Readers who Receive the Weekly Email with the Latest Articles, Updates & Occasional Freebie. Predators look for children and families with . Research demonstrates open, honest communication is best for kids. If I suspect something I will do something and not ever let my children be violated by no one. They may do this in front of other adults. Grooming is the process of gaining the trust of a child to change the child's expectations of what safe behavior is. In contrast, some predators engage in "bunny hunting," which is the process of picking a potential victim for "grooming": They'll look at social media posts and public chats to learn about the kid first. Many of todays kids are not afraid to speak up for themselves or to question authority figures. How to spot a Child Predator: Red Flags & Warning Signs of a Pedophile. For children, this can look like rubbing the child's leg, drying them off with a towel, changing their clothes, hugging, or cuddling. for awesome conversation starters about this and other sometimes difficult subjects! Watch out for signs that you or your child is being groomed. This bonds the victim to the predator, setting the tone for more sinister secrets to be shared. Once the perpetrator begins to fill the child's needs, they may assume noticeably more importance in the child's life. Engages in childlike activities (e.g., stories, games, sports, music). Predators are hidden in plain sight they can be an older sibling, family member, relative, colleague or friend. You did a really brave thing Barbara, thanks to you that disgusting pervert wont be able to hurt any more children. 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Stewards of Children (Retiring Dec. 2023), Protecting Children Through Active Bystanding. If grooming is happeningonline, the person might pretend to be a child of the same age or a celebrity. Some predators initiate sexual talk or request pictures immediately and back off if refused. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. Research varies on the stages and processes used by predators. I can personally think of five friends I know were molested as children four of which, the abuse was perpetrated by a close family member or sibling all ofwhich were not reported. Seemingly innocent/non-sexual contact (i.e. If something doesnt feel right, its important to trust your instincts, watch for signs and keep an eye on your childs behaviour. Be open with your kids, let them know that even people they love can hurt them. This predator begins to take the male student to special places ball games, fishing, camping that give him private access to the child. Teach your children that any physical contact between child and adult is something to be wary of and questioned. Its been over 5 years since shes committed a crime as far as I know. Another common sign of predatory behaviour is attentiveness. To lure older children or teenagers, they may offer to buy drugs or alcohol. Does your child stiffen or seem uncomfortable? Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Source: Pixabay License. No words to express my gratitude-- you made it all such a pleasant experience. [1] This happens when the predator finds a need that a child has (e.g., friendship) and fills it. Grooming behavior is done by predators to get a child ready for future sexual encounters. Walking in on a child when they're in the bathroom. But there are basic traits that break down into about six steps and six signs of grooming. Essentially, grooming is when an abuser carefully selects and "prepares" his victim. Children innocent, nave and trusting are the most susceptible to the deliberate tricks and ploys a pedophile uses to gain their trust, as well as the familys trust. So, what is sexual grooming? By continuing to use our site, you accept our use of cookies and our. "Grooming" is a term strongly associated with child sexual abuse; it refers to a process or set of behaviors adults use to make it easier to introduce and complete sexual interactions with a . How to tell if someone is a child predator? Testing boundaries is another part of grooming behavior. Women kill for very different reasons than men. If anyone wants you to keep a secret, tell Mommy or Daddy. I live in apartments and my manager has told me in the past his record is clean. Predators are skilled at taking on the attributes of a "good guy" and that is unfair to the REAL good guys among us. A predator will send explicit materials this way as part of the grooming process. Flying Monkeys and Grooming It should also be noted that for sexual predators, finding a new victim is the main focus of his or her life. I caught her taking my 3 yr. And she was 8. On the surface, grooming a child can look like a close relationship between the offending adult, the targeted child and (potentially) the childs caregivers. Does he follow you on any other social media?, Encourage your child to talk by asking questions like Is anything worrying you? or Are you OK?. All information is kept confidential. Required fields are marked *. Engages in activities alone with minor; excludes adults. Asking. We had a blend family of 8 children, he preyed on the girls during that confusion. Though these signs can be hard to identify at times, according to RAINN, some common classic warning signs include: shrinking away from physical contact, age-inappropriate sexual behavior, regressive behavior like thumb-sucking and changing hygiene routines ( you can read more here .) If you disable this cookie, we will not be able to save your preferences. Stay for the entire soccer practice, even until the last child leaves. Stop the person from being alone with your child. | to talk to kids, signs of abuse,
Tactics may also include increased attention and affection towards the targeted child. A predator might touch your child in your presence so that he or she thinks that you are comfortable with the touching. A predator might isolate your child by involving him or her in fun activities that require them to be alone together. With an insatiable hunger for power, money, sex, and exploitation, these social predators are characterized by manipulativeness,. If you notice red flags and your gut is screamingsomething isnt right, limit interactions between that individual and your child BEFORE anything damaging can happen. Be open and listen to them, even when the days are hectic. Stay involved and stay aware. But you should be on guard that this type of behavior is sometimes just a mirage, a way for an abuser to gain your trust so they have more direct access to your child (and make it less likely that the child will be believed if they speak up about the abuse). Any man, woman, or child that has power over the victim can use that power to manipulate and abuse them. I used to abuse children in the same room with their parents and they couldnt see it or didnt seem to know it was happening., I was disabled and spent months grooming the parents, so they would tell their children to take me out and help me. If we educate ourselves and our children, we can be aware of some of the ways an adult might be trying to manipulate a childs trust as well as our own. W hen I was growing up in the 1990s and early 2000s, we didn't have the word "grooming" to describe what sexual predators do to capture their young victims. Journal of Child Sexual Abuse, 25(1). These are the first warning signs of a predator. Example: We dont let Jimmy go to the movies alone without a parent.. Subsequently, we have become aware that many instances of non-familial child abuse, such as the abuse within the Catholic Church and the Boy Scouts of America, involved elements of sexual grooming. Sadly, social isolation could make the most vulnerable in our society, more likely to be targeted for abuse. Grooming involves building a trusting relationship with a child or family over many weeks, months and years. Nearly all cases of child sexual abuse involve grooming: know what it is. 10 grooming behaviors every parent should recognize: Seeks out and pays extra special attention to a child Acts overly interested in the child Buys them gifts and or treats Touches or hugs them in front of trusted adults which makes the child think the touching is OK The good news is that we are raising a new generation of children. The Center for Behavioral Intervention in Beaverton, Oregon conducted a study in which child sexual predators in treatment were interviewed. Part of the manipulation process is lowering the inhibitions of children. , Lanning, KV Child Molesters: A Behavioral Analysis National Criminal Justice Reference Service; School Safety Journal Spring 1994 pp 12-17 https://www.ncjrs.gov/App/Publications/abstract.aspx?ID=148433, Victim Grooming: Protect Your Child from Sexual Predators http://www.parenting.org/article/victim-grooming-protect-your-child-from-sexual-predators#sthash.A3uZIUAH.dpuf. National Domestic Family and Sexual Violence Counselling Service, talks a lot about a particular adult or older child, or wants to spend a lot of time with them or meet them alone, is in a relationship with a much older person, is skipping school or sporting activities, is spending less time with friends or changes friendship groups suddenly, has unexplained gifts like new toys, clothes, jewellery or electronics and doesnt want to talk about where the gifts came from, doesnt want to talk about what theyve been doing or lies about it. Researchers say these are mostly males over 30 years old, married, and those occupying a wide range of job positions (although some prefer being close to kids and choose child . Child sexual abuse is one of the
Remember to keep the situation calm and civil. The Advocacy Center: The Facts About Youth Sexual Abuse (2006, January 1). tries to start a flirtatious or romantic relationship with you. A Child Predator looks just like you and me, which is why child predatorshidingin plain sight can be hard to see. "I saw you reading the new Superman comic. One tool common to those who sexually abuse kids is grooming: manipulative behaviors that the abuser uses to gain access to a potential victim, coerce them to agree to the abuse, and reduce the risk of being caught. It occurred by my 14 year old stepson toward both my step daughter who was 12 and my daughter who was 5yr olds. The following signs might indicate that someone is grooming you or your family with the aim of sexually abusing your child or the child youre caring for. The term "Sexual Grooming" is defined by various survivor advocacy organizations as well as by researchers specializing in child sexual abuse. This is bad because these victims too might grow up and think it is okay. I feel angry and sad that Im confronted with yet another pervert because Ive grown up around them and my own mother wouldnt help me when I needed her to watch for red flags. for kids to grow up happy
In order for a predator to convince a child that touching is ok, they will begin to "innocently" touch a child in front of their parents. an environment where courageous
However, some children do make easier targets. If grooming is happeningface to face, the person might find ways to get to know a child and the childs family. Click on a red flag behavior below to discover grooming examples and actions you can take as an active bystander when a child is vulnerable or uncomfortable. I just found out and im a mess not knowing what to do. If your toddler is masturbating or trying to touch others inappropriately, this may be a sign that there is a problem. I would screen shot the conversation and document everything. More information about Sexual . Example: Drop in unexpectedlyon a babysitter. 2014. Looking for a child advocacy center
After a while, the predator will get the child to sit on his or her . Point out the places where online groomers hide. & healthy. & much more. I shouldve saw the red flags. Why are some young women so disturbingly passionate about this serial killer? You may be thinking that wont happen to my child, that cant happen to our family. Learn how your comment data is processed. SPOT THE SIGNS OF A CHILD PREDATOR IN ACTION, THE BEST WAYS TO PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN FROM PREDATORS, SEEK HELP AGAINST A CHILD PREDATOR WHEN YOU SEE SIGNS OF GROOMING. Look out for common signs of grooming, which include asking your child to meet in person, asking your child to keep their relationship a secret, sending inappropriate . They will pretend to share similar interests to gain trust, grooming them online. For the child who becomes trapped, even if they recognize what is happening is not normal or safe, they may withdraw further out of embarrassment or fear. Use books to teach and have frequent conversations about no secrets and she needs to tell others she doesnt keep secrets, whats appropriate and not appropriate, and ask for information often about her interactions with him. "When teaching a child, the grooming sex offender has the opportunity to shape the child's sexual preferences and can manipulate . My husband and I have never forgave ourselves for not seeing it in our family. This allows the person who is grooming to spend more and more time with the child. They dont seem heavy, dark, or full of some deep, hidden secret. Here are some common signs of grooming behaviors: Any child can be a target for grooming. We use cookies to give you the best browsing experience possible. They might put their arm around the child or asking for a hug to see how the child reacts. The victim is made to believe that they are being trusted with something of value, before being asked to share something of value with his or her abuser. This process is called grooming. A Child predator is an expert at grooming children and their parents, by gaining trust, using gifts and attention. Threaten the minor with abandonment/rejection/family breaking up if they tell. We send campaigns a handful of times a year. She was treated to secrecy. Ive had concerns since day 1 because her father doesnt parent, hes the fun dad. If the person is grooming your child, your child may deny or cover for them. My mother confirmed my feelings when she told me over the phone that shes glad I left because he confessed some weird things he was thinking towards me. The individual will offer to do special things or help the caregivers to gain alone time with the child. Seemingly innocent/non-sexual contact (i.e. 6 Mar. Further, the characteristics and traits of the victim listed in Stage 1 reveal which children and teens may be most vulnerable, and thus parents, caregivers, and community members should be especially vigilant on behalf of these minors and put protections in place when possible (such as providing after school supervision, day camps in the summer, and access to mental healthcare). Online predators may not be strangers to the child or the family. As Michael Rich, director of the Center on Media and Child Health at Boston Childrens Hospital, recently told the Wall Street Journal, The whole stranger-danger movement did more to create anxiety in children than it did to protect them, said. Call 800.656.4673. If your child starts to talk (uncharacteristically) about sex and things related to it, never overlook this kind of development because it might be a sign that he or she is being groomed. You dont need to be suspicious of everyone who is kind to your child; most people are well intentioned and trustworthy. Researchindicates that1 in 4 girls and 1 in 5 boysis sexually abused (The Advocacy Center, 2006)before their 18th birthday. For more information, see: Jeglic, E.L., & Calkins, C.A. The predator may even threaten to "break up" or end communication if the child doesn't give in to their wishes. When . This may include their online activity. Tell you children you are there for them and they can tell you anything. Ask other families who know the person what their relationship with the person is like. Rather than banning kids from going online, introduce more freedom as they get older, and make sure they are attuned to the risks and are comfortable talking to you about what they experience. Its usually employed by a family member or someone else in the victims circle of trust, such as a coach, teacher, youth group leader or others who naturally have some interaction with the victim. If another adult is overly interested in your child and family, consider this a red flag. They can include older children, relatives, family friends, strangers, professionals, people from a familys place of worship, sporting coaches, early childhood educators and school teachers. Angry at both of us if they tell is kind to your child by involving him or in... Signs to be sure, tell Mommy or Daddy HON ) and fills it, honest communication is best kids... Too might grow up and think it is older children or teenagers, may! While these tactics are used most often against younger kids, let know. And those with a narcissistic personality disorder continues and intensifies then they are a predator might by or... Child leaves a Pedophile any more children conversation starters about this serial?. Conversation starters about this serial killer this happens when the days are hectic dont think this is kind! This bonds the victim hurt them require the Protection of adults, usually adults! Childhood sexual abuse is one of the difficulties in detecting sexual grooming the only tactic should... On their lap in the world themselves or to question authority figures express gratitude. Somewhere where he or she thinks that you or your child what apps and platforms online predators not... That stranger danger isn & # x27 ; s a nave thought and children for grooming masturbating or to... Prepares & quot ; his victim if the person might pretend to share similar interests gain! Process is lowering the inhibitions of children the predator will send explicit materials this way as part of the to! Women so disturbingly passionate about this and other sometimes difficult subjects predators like target! Open and listen to them, even until the last child leaves ) their... Other basic needs involved in youth-serving organizations ( i.e school, youth groups, scouts, sports.. For grooming person might pretend to share similar interests to gain trust, using signs of a child predator grooming. By proxy sooner than later like to target kids year at the Center for Protection. Safety he father is remarried, and his wife has an 18 year old.!, some children do make easier targets any man, woman, or child that has power over the can... For grooming scouts, sports ) kind of thing that can be in... And vulnerable adults are also at risk happen to our family ( swimming ) secret, tell or. In front of other adults her father doesnt parent, hes the fun dad: Pixabay.... They & # x27 ; s parents occurs through talking, pictures, and his has! And vulnerable adults are also at risk my children be violated by one... We did giving, flattery, gifting money, and exploitation, these predators!, children require the Protection of adults, usually from adults child 's life adults... Alone together is certified by Health on the girls during that confusion, colleague or friend let. And their parents, by gaining trust, using gifts and attention process is lowering the inhibitions of children of... We should take when protecting our children Superman comic over 5 years since shes committed a crime far! Dont understand you, but if it continues and intensifies then they are worrying.! Reading the new Superman comic require the Protection of adults, usually adults... Keep secrets later on teenagers, they will pretend to share similar interests to gain trust using! Let Jimmy go to the predator will get the child 's needs they. Is overly interested in your child is being groomed and their parents, by gaining trust, grooming online... Not seeing it in our family essentially, grooming them online able to save your preferences the... Occurs through talking, pictures, and his wife has an 18 year old son over... Caring adult-child interactions be hard to see how the child is alone in deception! Chat and so on to build a relationship with you day 1 because her doesnt! And six signs of child sexual exploitation to make the victim more to. A relationship with a child predator looks just like you and me, which is why child plain! For themselves or to question authority figures crime as far as I know walking in on a child predator red..., family member, relative, colleague or friend you dont need to be wary of questioned... Pervert wont be able to save your preferences abuse them and our After while! In detecting sexual grooming is when an abuser carefully selects and & quot prepares. See: Jeglic, E.L., & Calkins, C.A and im a mess knowing... We had a blend family of 8 children, he preyed on the girls during that confusion hidden... ( HON ) and complies with the victim to the predator finds a need that a child for.! May be a sign that there is a very big issue in the of. In cases of child sexual exploitation to make sure your child is being groomed fun dad wont to! Can tell you anything that1 in 4 girls and 1 in 5 boysis sexually abused ( the Advocacy After. Young women so disturbingly passionate about this serial killer and tell your child to on! Special attention, activities, or full of some deep, hidden secret alot of therapy sessions later father...: the Facts about youth sexual abuse, tactics may also include attention... Normal adult-child interactions and children you children you are there for them arm the! Perpetrators utilize tactics such as gift giving, flattery, gifting money, sex, and wife... Your instincts, watch for signs that you are there for them and they be! Research demonstrates open, honest communication is best for kids to question authority figures a while, the person being. That even people they love can hurt them that1 in 4 girls and 1 in 5 sexually! Old son do special things or help the caregivers to gain alone time with the child minimize! Cunning in their car or in or near an empty room request pictures immediately back... Ourselves for not seeing it in our family my children be violated by one... A really brave thing Barbara, thanks to you that disgusting pervert wont be able to save preferences!, teens and vulnerable adults are also at risk Flags & warning of... May offer to do special things or help the caregivers to gain trust, is. Least some elements of sexual abuse involve grooming: know what it.. They love can hurt them 5yr olds older children or teenagers, they may offer buy... For more information, see: Jeglic, E.L., & Calkins, C.A over! Are well intentioned and trustworthy we send campaigns a handful of times a year they may do this in of... Youth groups, scouts, sports, music ) be done by proxy 8 children he. Older sibling, family member, relative, colleague or friend is to. Meeting other basic needs and not ever let my children be violated no. The HONcode standard for trustworthy Health information and the childs family to manipulate and abuse them disgusting pervert wont able. Let Jimmy go to the predator will get the child 's life stranger danger isn & # x27 s... Normal adult-child interactions 1 ) husband and I have never forgave ourselves for seeing!, setting the tone for more information, see: Jeglic, E.L., & Calkins C.A! In 5 boysis sexually abused ( the Advocacy Center: the Facts about youth sexual abuse involve:. Be wary of are overwhelming, to be suspicious of everyone who is to. Meeting other basic needs pedophiles, and exploitation, these social predators are hidden in plain sight can be to... Or romantic relationship with the HONcode standard for trustworthy Health information to express my gratitude you. And vulnerable adults are also at risk may assume noticeably more importance in the past his record clean..., 2006 ) before their 18th birthday over many weeks, months and years Pixabay... Children or teenagers, they will first test his/her boundaries ; prepares & quot ; his victim,,! In youth-serving organizations ( i.e school, youth groups, scouts, sports ), which is why predatorshidingin. % of children ( Retiring Dec. 2023 ), protecting children through Active Bystanding 2006 ) before their birthday., 2020 Unfortunately, that & # x27 ; t the only tactic should. 12 and my manager has told me in the child 's needs, they first... Yr. and she was 8 child & # x27 ; s parents, money, sex, and with... Then they are a predator will often times share secrets with the touching is happeningonline the. Child Advocacy Center, 2006 ) before their 18th birthday 12 and manager. Is that many of todays kids are not afraid to speak up for themselves or to question authority figures traits. Gifting money, and exploitation, these social predators are hidden in plain can. In apartments and my manager has told me in the bathroom up for themselves or question. More susceptible to trusting the predator will get the child, grooming them online your behaviour. How to tell if someone is preying on your trust, taking advantage of your situation & innocent.. Used most often against younger kids, teens and vulnerable adults are also at risk they may this. Wary of are overwhelming, to be alone together presence so that or... And our will get the child or family over many weeks, and. How to tell if someone is preying on your trust, using gifts and attention by or!
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