Hansel and Gretel! SHREK: I mean, dont you think they might be a bit shocked to see you like this? PUSS: Thats the Fairy Godmothers cottage. Out of the closet comes a sparkling gold dress that floats its way onto Fiona. Donkey and Puss follow him. They open the door to find Donkey laying in Shrek's chair. Head em up! CHARMING: Once upon a time in a kingdom far far away, the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. Donkey screams in pain. A shadowy figure sits with their boots on a table. CHARMING: Fiona, my Princess. DONKEY: I say we take the sword and neuter him right here. He notices an ornate clock that features a prince and princess kissing, and then turns onto his back. Pinocchio misses Godmother and she shoots him with her wand, transforming him into a human boy. Shes been all moody and stuff latelyso I thought Id move back in with you guys! The crowd gasps. SHREK: Better out than in, I always say, eh, Fiona? Ow! They pass a sign that reads "100 miles to Far Far Away". FIONA: Will you Stop it? GODMOTHER: Have Fiona drink this and shell fall in love with the first man she kisses, which will be Charming. To be this way forever? Shouldnt you be getting home to Dragon? Say it one more time. HAROLD: Darling, why not come down to the ball and give him another chance? Donkey leaps up and over the group of guards and they chase after them. Mongo is getting closer to the gate but the guards are shooting more fireballs at him. He is lowered back to the ground. Donkey runs back over to the fireplace and Shrek groans in frustration. Everyone on the couch sits with their mouths wide open. DONKEY: Lighten up? And thats final! ANNOUNCER: Well, the abs are fab and its gluteus to the maximus here at tonights Far, Far Away Royal Ball Blowout! But theyre my parents, Shrek. Ohno ogres. The furniture move back to their original positions. Move em on! This is the script for The Irelanders meets Shrek 2 . I got to get a job. Shrek looks up to see the back of Harold who is talking with Doris. The three look out the window to see Shrek, Donkey, and Puss standing at the window. GODMOTHER: You better get in. Shrek saddles up on Donkey's back with Puss. Angered by the intrusion, Shrek decides to visit Farquaad and demand they be moved elsewhere. Shrek takes his clothes, leaving both the nobleman and his son stranded in their undergarments. A handsome prince. Shrek, Donkey, and Puss are in a prison cell. You could at least give them a chance. GODMOTHER: Late at night I toss and I turn / And I dream of what I needHit it! GODMOTHER: And now she can be. until the sun went down and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night. I guess uh me and Pinocchio was gonna catch a tournament, anyway, so uh. maybe Ill see yall Sunday for a barbecue or somethin'. You workin' that hat! Donkey: Or Shrek 2: Donkey's Revenge? Were from the union. HAROLD: Oh, no! Shrek reluctantly leaves the house. Thats mine. JEROME: [sighs] Yes, Fairy Godmother. He leans her over for a kiss, but they are interrupted by Donkey, who is suddenly standing next to them again. Gingy takes the key and runs across Pinocchio's nose as it continues to grow with each denial. The book opens and a voice begins reading its text: SHREK: Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. Shrek cautiously waves at an angry mob, who to his surprise, smile and wave back at him. DONKEY: Wow! Donkey eyes Puss suspiciously as he whispers into Shrek's ear. Perhaps its best if we just call the whole thing off, okay? Hey, but what do you want me to tell these other guys? Shrek drinks the rest of the potion. I'm gonna laugh, too. She is not in. DONKEY: Thats right! SHREK: Midnight! (turns to the clerk) Er okay. Everybody dig in! I think I feel something coming on. SHREK: You know, shockingly, this isnt making me feel any better. Give us a hug, Shrek, you old love machine. GODMOTHER: Stop them! Shrek stands nervously. A frog comes crawling out from inside the chestplate. Harold's ceremonial armor chestplate deflects the magical trail back to hit Godmother. HAROLD: (screaming) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Outside by the entrance, a pair of guards are interrogating the Headless Horseman. Bob: Glad to see you got your voice back. GODMOTHER: Ugh, youd better have a good reason for dragging us down here, Harold. He rides through a forest, snowy mountains and barren desert. Godmother is sat across from Harold, and next to her sits Charming. Lots and lots of flour. - FAR FAR AWAY PALACE. DONKEY: Look at our little mutant babies! Donkey tries to kick Puss with his hind legs, but Puss dodges and hits Shrek in the crotch instead. Narrator: After a long day of saving fried chicken, stopping an inner-city riot. SHREK: Tell Princess Fiona her husband, Sir Shrek, is here to see her. DONKEY: Oh, yeah, that. Daycare or dragon-guarded castle?! No. He lowers the drawbridge for the rest of the group. I implore you! SHREK: Yeah?..Oh! Mongo watches the gumdrop drop to the ground, still on fire, and lets out a Godzilla-esque roar. (singing) The sunll come outtomorrow. Hey, what about my Miranda Rights? Explore. Chains dangle from the ceiling which attach to their shackles, keeping them suspended above the floor. And it was destiny that his kiss CHARMING: would break the dreaded curse. DONKEY: Hey, ladies! Come on, join us. HAROLD: Well, what did you expect?! WORKER: Your Monte Cristo and coffee--oh! DONKEY: Oh, no. Out from the shadows, a sword slices open the sack and gold coins spill out onto the table. DONKEY: [singing]: Hit it! Puss stops at a row of potions kept behind a glass display case. Hes hopeless. Look whos telling who to lighten up! GODMOTHER: (in disbelief) Your husband? The shelves are filled with different potions. Godmother continutes to sing. Look at him! Dance!" Right. AFTER!!!!!!!!! Rawhide! And oh, we used to walk down by the lily pond and they were in bloom. Let me go! This time she doesn't resist. GODMOTHER: Oh-ho-ho! MAIDEN #1: Oh! Hansel and Gretel skip down the carpet hand in hand, tossing bread crumbs along their path. He turns the page to the next entry in the diary. FIONA: It was a mistake to bring Shrek here. Head em up, move em on! The king offered me much in gold and I have a litter of brothers. (hisses). I mean, you expect me to give my blessings to thisthisthing? The furniture dances around Fiona. Shrek gets caught a trap and villagers surround Fiona, who fends them off. SHREK: "Happily Ever After Potion. Uh excuse me. DONKEY: Yeah, and theres the bush shaped like Shirley Bassey! DONKEY: I'm sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken. SHREK: Well, theres some fine print for you! SHREK: All right, big fella! Shrek chuckles nervously. DONKEY: Hey, Shrek. GODMOTHER: [singing] Your fallen tears have called to me / So, here comes my sweet remedy / I know what every princess needs / For her to live life happily. SHREK: Sorry to barge in like this but uh--. Im here to make it all better. Captain Hook plays the piano and sings. Shrek and Puss ride Donkey and sprint past them. Shrek covers Puss' mouth with his finger. DONKEY: Yeah, sure. Donkey walks over to a fish bowl. Shrek gets out of bed and looks out the window and stares at the Far Far Away sign. The elves run away as Shrek jumps up and grabs onto a pulley system that leads back to the entrance. Lillian walks off, and Harold follows after lingering for a few moments. A dragon roars. Is there anything I can do for you? They bore me to tears. Donkey walks back the door to stand on guard. The same happens to Donkey. Shrek runs up to Fiona. CHARMING: He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princesss chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her--. Fiona runs out of her room to do the same. After the fanfare is over, one of the trumpeters begins play the Hawaii Five-0 Theme Song. SHREK: Thats OK, buddy. A couple is out on a table drinking tea when their cups begin to shake. CHARMING: Mom, its me, Shrek. I would think youd be happy for me. To live happily ever after. HAROLD: Id hoped youd never see me like this. Desperate they sought the help of a fairy godmother who had them lock the young princess away in a tower, there to await the kiss of the handsome prince charming! I thought that question was directed at me. Poor Shrek's evening would take a turn for the worse, as he stumbled across Fiona's childhood diary. SHREK: Sure. And throughout the land, everyone was happy. The dog continues to bark and Shrek roars in its face. It's been years! Everybody wins. DONKEY: Uhhh--I gotta go to the bathroom. I aint purring. Its all right! He opens the cart to reveal Puss and Donkey crammed inside. I look any different? GODMOTHER: Dont you point those dirty green sausages at me! until the time comes to Meet the In-Laws.The new couple is summoned by Fiona's parents, rulers of the kingdom of Far Far Away, who wish to celebrate their daughter's marriage. A baby starts crying. The king and queen stand with mouths wide open. Harold scowls, Lillian is apprehensive, and Fiona cringes. Almost everybody that meets you wants to kill you. A spotlight shines on the two and Fiona stops to look back. Oooh, look at you, you're all umgrown up. Get your coat, dear. Fiona is awaken by the puppy licking her nose. The Golden Bird, the Little Mermaid, Pretty WomanNo, no, no, no, no! Jerome turns the speaker to face the other way. DORIS: Hey, buddy, let me clue you in. Charming grabs the wand from Puss and throws it to Godmother. PUSS: Hey! And dont worry, they're gonna love you too. Head em up! Shrek and Puss ride Donkey up the deserted red carpet and toward the front doors of the palace. Donkey throws it to Gingy as the Fairy Godmother still tries to grab it. And you should probably get to know the new kid in your class too, Charlie. Hey, hey, hey! LILLIAN: Theyre both festive, arent they? SHREK: No, no. The bouquet was delicious. Shrek 2/Transcript < Shrek 2 Edit Transcript Prince Charming: Once upon a time in a kingdom far far away, the king and queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl. Donkey: What about Shrek 2: 2 Fast, 2 Donkey? Shrek looks uneasy as people in the streets stop and stare. CHARMING: I mean, how charming can I be when I have to pretend Im that dreadful ogre? Is he really that good-looking? How 'bout a side of sugar for the steed? This is the transcript of Sora's Adventures of Shrek 2 . She gets up and walks to the balcony, only to notice the diary opened face down. Youre not her father! DONKEY: Im trotting, Im trotting in place! The chase ends in the streets of Far Far Away. A band and choir join in and the music kicks into gear. Harold walks back inside the bedroom. FIONA: No, no, no, Dad! No! Not only for your daughter. He knocks on the door and an eye peeks out. FIONA'S CHILDHOOD ROOM. Ill be your true love! With an annoyed look on his face, Donkey follows them. Already our minds are becoming one. A small puppy lands in Fiona's hands. DONKEY: Oh, no, no. MIRROR: For a happy ever after, give Fiona a call! Exquisite. Puss purrs and Shrek marvels at his cuteness. HAROLD: What am I supposed to do about it? GODMOTHER: You remember my son, Prince Charming? : or shrek 2 we take the sword and neuter him right here do the same::. Notice the diary than in, I always say, eh, Fiona donkey crammed.... Rest of the group of guards and they chase after them a shadowy figure sits with their mouths open! 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